This is October.
Time for a season change, and the time when viruses breed. The most common virus is FLU! As usual, Asha got it, Rana got it, Ibu got it.
Another sleepless nights, runny noses, coughs, and whiny kids all day long. Trips to the doctor. I guess so being exposed often to viruses is good, in a way.... Builds up their immune system.
Get well soon kids!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
The End of My Breastfeeding Journey
Rana is only 11months old. She stopped breastfeeding abruptly when she was 10months old. She was sick, having runny nose, and teething. She started biting on my breast and when I turned her down she started to pull a nursing strike. Which people say might last one to two weeks. And so I waited, and tried, and two weeks went by. And I finally accepted the fact that maybe this is the end of it.
It wasn't easy for me. Cos I breastfed Asha for 2 years full and enjoyed every minute of it. It was bitter for me. Lots of things went on my head. Did I try not hard enough? Did I do every possibility to get her back to the breast? How will our relationship be? Even then I always leave her at home while going out with Asha. I was scared I won't be as close to her as I should be.
But still, in the end, I still need to accept and cope with the fact that she is not wanting the breast anymore. So for the last month I tried pumping as often as possible. But now at 11months, my supply dropped significantly. Bare minimum. I could only provide a bottle of 4oz a day. I'm not sure why, but maybe one of the reason is because I often skip the pumping schedule when we needed to go out. Also these last week I was dead tired cos the toddler and the baby was both sick.
And now I am facing another horror truth. It might really be ending sooner than I expected. Would she be okay without my milk? I am really at dead end...
Of course rather than weeping over my helplessness over the fact I am now preparing myself mentally to accept that fact fully. I'm just praying that til she hits 1 year old I can still pump out that 4oz.
On the other hand, she is just growing perfectly. She's a fast learner, a generous baby, demanding baby at the same time. And even though she doesn't fall asleep sucking on my breast like her sister did, but she still fall asleep on my breast whenever I cuddled her to sleep. And though I truly recommend breastfeeding as much as possible, but even without it I don't need to worry so much.
Even though maybe later other problems will arise, I don't want to blame it to my abrupt end of breastfeeding. Looking at the positive side, I don't need to go through the screaming during wean off times.
I've had my moments, and all good things must come to an end.
I'd love to breastfeed again if Allah gives me another chance :)
It wasn't easy for me. Cos I breastfed Asha for 2 years full and enjoyed every minute of it. It was bitter for me. Lots of things went on my head. Did I try not hard enough? Did I do every possibility to get her back to the breast? How will our relationship be? Even then I always leave her at home while going out with Asha. I was scared I won't be as close to her as I should be.
But still, in the end, I still need to accept and cope with the fact that she is not wanting the breast anymore. So for the last month I tried pumping as often as possible. But now at 11months, my supply dropped significantly. Bare minimum. I could only provide a bottle of 4oz a day. I'm not sure why, but maybe one of the reason is because I often skip the pumping schedule when we needed to go out. Also these last week I was dead tired cos the toddler and the baby was both sick.
And now I am facing another horror truth. It might really be ending sooner than I expected. Would she be okay without my milk? I am really at dead end...
Of course rather than weeping over my helplessness over the fact I am now preparing myself mentally to accept that fact fully. I'm just praying that til she hits 1 year old I can still pump out that 4oz.
On the other hand, she is just growing perfectly. She's a fast learner, a generous baby, demanding baby at the same time. And even though she doesn't fall asleep sucking on my breast like her sister did, but she still fall asleep on my breast whenever I cuddled her to sleep. And though I truly recommend breastfeeding as much as possible, but even without it I don't need to worry so much.
Even though maybe later other problems will arise, I don't want to blame it to my abrupt end of breastfeeding. Looking at the positive side, I don't need to go through the screaming during wean off times.
I've had my moments, and all good things must come to an end.
I'd love to breastfeed again if Allah gives me another chance :)
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